As long as I'm progressing I feel content. Invariably, when I feel like I'm not
progressing or moving forward I feel depressed and anxious. For me, the goal isn't to "make it" or arrive
at some pre-conceived destination.
Instead, it's to move forward, one day at a time and see where that
leads.
When I was younger I had this idea that I had to "make
it". I was convinced it was my pre
ordained destiny. As the years passed
and I didn't achieve the success I dreamed of, I began to feel disenchanted with
playing music. For a few years, in my
early thirties, I sort of put playing music on the back burner. I was starting to get burned out from playing in different bands and
playing lots of shows that didn't seem to take me as far as I wanted to go and
so for awhile I sort of drifted. I
traveled for a bit to Central America and pursued other goals like internet
marketing, writing and eventually started this website and also started working with other
artists.
I never stopped completely writing or playing music
during this period, but I started to lose that drive and manic sense of trying
to make it that I had when I was younger.
I wasn't sure initially if this was a good or bad thing. I used to write music relentlessly and
pursued music with an almost insane fervor.
I can recall living with an ex girlfriend in a studio apartment and
locking myself in our bathroom for hours at a time to finish new songs I was
working on. Sometimes I would drive to Lake
Michigan in Chicago and find a quiet spot to sit with my guitar as I waited for
inspiration to strike. I would spend
hour and hours recording new music and practicing the guitar. I was in love with music and the honeymoon
phase lasted a long time.
As the years passed and I started to lose a little bit of
that youthful drive, I went through a bit of an identity crisis. If I wasn't going to be the rock star I was
convinced I was born to be, then who would I be? Just another "dime a dozen" guitar
teacher? Just another struggling artist
among millions? Was I going to turn out to be, god forbid, average? That didn't feel right.
Over the years these doubts and critical voices subsided
and I realized that not being as successful as I hoped I would be in the music
business is far from failing. Of course there's always the future and I am as
optimistic and motivated as ever, but let's face it, most musicians don't "make
it" to the level of U2, Coldplay, etc.
Those are just the facts. I have
met hundreds, if not thousands of musicians over the years via networking,
playing in bands, going to Berklee College Of Music and so on, and I know just one
musician who appears to be on his way to becoming pretty well known and who I
think actually will become a household name.
But here's the most important realization. Despite all the doubts I had and the
frustration I endured, something kept happening. I kept returning to music and songwriting,
over and over. An idea would pop into my head and I'd grab my guitar and start
writing. Someone would call and invite
me to play a gig and I'd go play. A
couple weeks would go by where I didn't play guitar and then inspiration would
strike and I would write another great song.
Over time I realized that I love writing and playing music simply for
the sake of doing it and that it would always be a big part of my life. Of course I want to be successful doing it,
but no matter what I realized, it was here to stay.
This realization was actually incredibly liberating. I wasn't pursuing music attached and
dependent on some sort of specific outcome.
I was pursuing music, perhaps for the first time ever, simply because I
loved it and enjoyed it, more than anything else.
It's like when you fall in love with someone. Eventually that initial passion is going to
fade and you're going to have to make a choice.
Do you go and look for someone new or do you stay and commit? Music and
I have made our decision.
If you are inclined to comment you can do so here:
http://www.howtolicenseyourmusic.com/blog/why-not-making-it-can-be-a-good-thing
